Two Ears One Mouth
I want my words to be life-giving. I want to use my words and tone of voice to bless people and love them well. Isn’t that what we all want? Shouldn't we want that?
My heart is hushed as I reflect on the way James addressed the importance of our words and the power of our tongues. In chapter 3 of his letter to the New Testament church, James wrote that ours tongue can bring about either blessing or cursing. In the introduction of his letter, which we discussed a few weeks back, James also made the connection between words and anger.
"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless" (James 1:19-20, 26).
I know these verses. Maybe you do too. Maybe you even know them by heart or have them written on an index card, taped to your bathroom mirror. But, as James reminds us not so subtly, knowing and doing are two different things (James 1:22). It's not good enough for us to be “knowers” of God’s Word. If we want to be people of great and godly impact, we must also be doers.
Let’s break down these verses so we can better implement what they have to say about how to ensure that our words will be life-giving.
Be “Quick to Listen”
To be a good listener I have to turn off the voice in my mind. I don’t need to think of my answer while another person is talking, I need to listen and be in the moment. I need to hear. When I hear I'm better equipped to be compassionate, understanding, gracious, and honorable.
I get myself in trouble when I don’t listen. You too? God knew this would be a struggle for us and He points us to a better way in His Word. Be quick to listen.
Be “Slow to Speak and Slow to Become Angry”
This may come as news to some of you, but I have lots of opinions. Gobs of them! And I have almost convinced myself that people need to hear them. Certainly, my husband. He should know where I stand on everything he says and everything he thinks. Right? And my kids? “Oh, my kids LOVE when I give them my opinion on the regular!” ...said no mom of young adults ...ever.
So, with this directive to be slow to speak, I sit up a bit straighter in my chair.
And then there is that “slow to become angry” part.
Ahem!
Have I mentioned that I’m a bit spicy? Some people hold their anger in. I’m not that people. My anger can become a lovely fireworks display. Light my fuse and I'll sparkle with colorful, loud booms!
And with that vulnerable gem of an admission, we move on to the next oh-so-challenging point that will lead us toward the righteousness that God desires from us.
“Keep a Tight Rein on Your Tongue”
The Apostle Paul told the believers in Ephesus, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).
One important word to notice in that verse is the word any. That doesn’t even leave room for a loophole or an excuse that starts with “But HE said . . ."
You and I may have word-choice problems at times, but our word-choice problems don't have to have us! We are children of God who are filled with His righteousness through the power of the Holy Spirit. It's time for a new day with words, friends.
Pastor Ben said we need to get to the root of the problem so we can tame our tongues and he summed it up this way: "We have to do the hard work of the heart work."
Ah yes, that surely is the hard work. Thankfully, as children of God we have full access to the same power that resurrected Jesus from the grave, so all is well.
Chin up. Shoulders back. Deep breath. Intentional step forward.
Let’s do this.
Let’s Pray
Dear Lord, I'm sorry for all the times I’ve allowed sinful behavior to creep into my thoughts and conversations. I pray with the psalmist, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
~ Gwen Smith is an author, speaker, co-founder of Girlfriends in God and host of the Graceologie podcast.