Do I Really Want to Know God?

Throughout scripture, we are told repeatedly of God’s many wonderful attributes. The first is that He loves us, cares for us and has a plan of redemption for us.  In addition, He wants us to know Him, represent Him, and even partner with Him.

But there is one catch to all this: we have to read His word to actually know any of it.

Maybe it’s better said this way: we get to read His word.

If we wanted to get to know someone, we intuitively would know that we must spend time with them.  We would want to do that, knowing there is no shortcut for developing a relationship. You must spend time together. 

On the contrary, the world has somehow convinced us that spending time in God’s word is boring, difficult and unnecessary.  These are lies of the enemy.

In this week’s reading, Psalm 119:105-112 draws a stark contrast between listening to the voice of God, verses listening to the voice of man – also known as the voice of the world.  If God’s word is a lamp to our feet, and a light for our path (verse 105), shouldn’t we want to know it?  Or have we fallen victim to what the world thinks, which is never what God thinks?   

God has given us His word to direct, guide, and convict us in the face of persecution from the world – to encourage us in the face of discouragement. Knowing that, should we not confidently assert that God tells us all this because He really does love us?  

I have trust issues.  Maybe you do, too. 

Not small, inconsequential, easy to ignore, just brush it off,  trust issues.  Oh, no, not me.  I go for the gusto.  No, I have drive that truckload of doubt and mistrust right up to the canyon and drop it off, super-sized trust issues.   

When I’m shamed by regret over something I did or said, or when I’m not holding my thoughts captive and giving them to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), I can quickly devolve into doubt. I net out that God didn’t actually mean me, when He says He loves eternally.  I must be the exception to the rule. 

Shame will do that.  If we would just authentically express doubt, instead of looking to deny it, and stuff it down, maybe we would better position ourselves to believe, and receive, His love. 

We would seek His word. 

But when doubt and shame meet up, we flee from God.  We will question His goodness, His mercy, and His enduring love.

We will question His word. 

We will think that reading His word doesn’t matter.

Take away connectedness to Jesus, and there is no peace. No lasting joy. When we align ourselves with the truth- His eternal love and forgiveness- only then are we free to enjoy Him, His blessings, and goodness.  We were created to connect, and until we get the God connection right, our human connections will always be fragile.  One argument, one misunderstood text, and we are well on our way to a broken relationship.  

God is not waiting for us to pull it altogether and then come to Him; rather He waits for us to come to Him and fall apart.  He will sweep up our brokenness, if we let Him. 

I love the story in Mark 9, about the father who wanted Jesus to help his son.  He says to Jesus, “but if you can do anything, take pity on us, and help us”.  Jesus replies, “If I can?”  The father answers, “I do believe, help me with my unbelief”. 

Such a great sentiment, in its honesty and rawness.  We cannot be emotionally healthy until we are emotionally honest. Who hasn’t thought like this father?  Maybe not in terms of Jesus’ unlimited power, but in more ordinary, mundane things.  When things don’t go as expected, do we doubt God’s love?  Do we then doubt even His word?  Do we secretly think, “well, maybe He didn’t actually mean me”?

If I doubt His love, I’m neither surprised nor disappointed if I lose it. I expected loss all along.  Except He doesn’t stop loving us. Ever.  I wear my doubt to protect my heart, but the thing is, I don’t need protection from God. His is a love I cannot destroy.  I have it, eternally. So do you.

Read His word. He will tell you so Himself. He loves you.

~ Originally from New York, Gerry Lutzel has been a NC resident since 2017 and currently teaches in the women’s Bible study. She also serves at Guest Services on Sunday mornings.